Overcoming Bullying At School

School bullying is a problem that schools claim they are doing something about, but in practice it still happens. If your child was being bullied at school, would you know what tell-take signs to look for? If your child's behaviour changes, would you know why? If your child becomes hidden and secretive, that is a sign that something is wrong.

This book was written to help school/college pupils with what is arguably a most difficult time on their growing years; it will also help parents and teachers support children and pupils in what is a most traumatic experience - being bullied at school. School ought to be amongst the 'best days of your life,' but for many, they are amongst the worst because of bullying.

Pages at the end of the book can be used to record your own notes, thoughts and reflections.

This copy is signed by the author.

Pb. 68 pp in total. Published by Victim Care Publishers, 2001.

Price £4.00 Stg (includes p&p within the UK.  Postage outside the UK may be higher).  Please send cheque or postal order made payable to J. E. Hazlett Lynch to "West Lynn," 23 Parkmore Close, MAGHERAFELT, Co. Londonderry, Northern Ireland, UK, BT45 6PL, and allow 10 days for delivery.

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Three Things Bullies Need To Survive

Workplace bullies require three crucially important things: (i) secrecy; (ii) shame; and (iii) silent witnesses.

Let me look at these in turn. One of the things that the workplace bullies are afraid of is that someone will blow their cover, whistleblowers. So, in order to ensure that secrecy is maintained, they not only intimidate the target, but they proceed to stop people talking about what is going on. They will stop at nothing to achieve this. Blackmail, threats - threatening to disclose details about another, threatening to stop another's promotion, threats against one's wife or family, and on it goes. These people are amoral, and care nothing for the norms of decent life. They need secrecy.

But they also need to use shame. In most people's lives, they are things they would not wish to have made public. They will attempt to shame them over their competence, their professionalism, their ability to do the job to the standard expected. To have such shame brought upon them would be very hurtful, so in order to avoid this, they will resort to 'silence mode.' So whatever which way, the workplace bully wins. He understands the power of shame to invoke and maintain silence.

That brings me to the third requirement - silent witnesses. The sad reality in today's workplaces is that when people see bullying going on, they refuse to speak up. One reason why they do this is to prevent them becoming the next target, an understandable enough reason, though one that displays cowardice. They convince themselves that it is none of their business, it has nothing to do with them. Some might understand why they so act, or not act, and their reasons might be logical. What they do not realise, though, is that the victim is crying out for someone to intervene and say, 'This is enough.'

These 'onlookers' form a group of people who have individually or corporately made a decision not to get involved in this bullying scenario. All agree, by their inaction, that this is the right thing to do. They tolerate what they know to be wrong and unacceptable behaviour, their decision is indefensible, but still they follow this pathway. When that decision not to help produces a result that they never imagined, for example, the target completes suicide, is sacked from the job because of his violent behaviour towards the bully, suffers a serious mental breakdown, is left unable to work again, they then look for a culprit to blame for them not doing anything. What they don't realise is that this outcome could have been avoided had they acted differently.

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Identifying The Workplace Bully.

The following paragraphs will maintain that bullies, whether in the workplace, the community, the church, or in the home, just like alcoholics, are attention grabbing deceivers whose word cannot be trusted. They will be so wonderful at lying that others are 'taken in' by what they say. It appears that bullies assume entirely that what they say is the truth, even if confronted with indications to the contrary. It is true that one lie requires another to cover the first, and so on, until you are embroiled in a complexity that defies escape. They have been so engulfed in difficult or embarrassing situations of their own making, that, in order to get out of it, resort to deception.

Some of these situations are so complex that escaping from them requires great skills. And the trickier it is for them to get out of their predicament, the more aggressive they will become. This "survival instinct," when utilized by the average person will not be used to cause hurt; but when helpful to the workplace 'terrorist,' there isn't any acknowledgment of the discrepancy concerning what's morally right and what's morally wrong, the plan being to hurt the target, even to the point of seriously damaging his health. There is a ruthlessness about bullies that is frightening, and a callousness that is terrifying.

The 'modus operandi' of the workplace bully as they choose the target, is basically that they, the targets, are perceived to be dissimilar to the others; this might show itself in their being better looking, slower workers, possess superior certificates, well-liked by others both within and outside the workplace, and even successful. The list is vast; if a target is to be given "the treatment," then any pretext will do.

Of course, bullies usually are not recognisable by their outward appearance; the word, 'bully,' is not written on their faces, to ensure that most individuals can see exactly who they are and keep away from them.

Are there any clues as to how they might be recognised? The one certain way of identifying the bully is to observe how his/her acts towards others. With such evidence before you, you don't need me to explain to you the kind of character a bully definitely is. In my interactions with workplace victims, and listening to their stories and experiences, the one adjective that was used most often to illustrate the kind of individuals they and the activity really are, was 'evil.' Alternative connected ideas are: actual evil; utterly evil; decadent; bad; disgusting, corrupt.

Now you understand what that means. The conduct you've witnessed and experienced from these people can be evil. You have been exposed to evil and wickedness. You've passed through the harmful result of that kind of evil. Your daily life continues to be shattered; your health has long been challenged; your profession is jeopardised; plus your family and marriage were not left unscathed.

Work Shouldn't Hurt!

Work is the divinely appointed means of providing for, at least, our basic needs. Work gives a real sense of personal self-worth, self-respect and dignity to the worker. It is good for us, and, despite the normal frustrations that accompany it, work should be most enjoyable. We should look forward to going to our place of employment and feel a level of contentment and even excitement and anticipation about going there to work.

But unfortunately, that is not the experience of all employees. For more than half of the work- places in the UK (and there's no hood reason to assume thermite situation is different in other countries), bullies operate with impunity. They have turned what promised to be enjoyable life experience into a veritable battleground.

The truth is that school bullying may and does catch the media's headlines, and on rare occasions you will find workplace bully under the spotlight; but where the world's spotlight does not shine, there lies an altogether reality. For in the secret place, the pain and feelings of degradation caused by corporate bully shatters lives everywhere. The reality of corporate bullying is now recognised as one of the business world's dirtiest secrets.

The report below exposes the destructive, silent epidemic that devastates the lives, careers, health, and families of millions. Bullies lurk in almost every organisation - the civil service, banking and other financial services, nursing, teaching, charitable organisations, the church - in fact, anywhere where people are to be found.

They are usually a 'protected' species, having the support of more senior managers. In turn, they have their 'buddies' in the office, very often the office junior, who fills them in with information about work colleagues.

It could be argued that where management quite openly protects another member of staff, even when that member has committed a sackable offence, the warning lights should go on to alert you that there is a 'protected' member of staff in the office, a mole, a 'double agent.' This person is the "eyes and ears" of the bully, that power-hungry employer who really does love his position.

The net effect of all this is that lives are being ruined before our very eyes. It's not so much that employees feel overworked and under-appreciated, as that they experience fear, humiliation, shame, and the consequent loss of dignity that originated at work. It is also true the these negative emotions creep their way into other aspects of life, affecting all other relationships, not least the marriage and family.

Bullying at work is nothing if it is not traumatic. To find out more, please click the link below.

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Victims Defined

Workplace bully may be defined as "the repeated, malicious, health-endangering mistreatment of one employer (the Target) by one or more employees (the bully or bullies). These may be at a more senior level in the management chain, or even non-stipendary board members in voluntary charitable organisations.

The person to be given "the treatment" is not just chosen at random, but is selected according to several well-defined criteria.

First, they are usually people who are good at their job. Usually, they are people who can do the job that the perpetrator cannot do, at least, not with the same proficiency.

Second, the Target is chosen because he can usually get on well with other people. He is a winsome individual that others like to be around.

To go no further, the Targets of workplace bully are found to fall into either or both of these two categories. The two professions that are head and shoulders above the others in this regard are teaching and nursing.

Bullies work a personal agenda in which exercising negative control over another human being is placed above meeting the needs of the organisation. That control is suffocating to the individual, and eventually to the organisation. The aim is to so cramp the Target that he cannot perform his tasks efficiently, thus leaving him vulnerable to disciplinary action. As a result of the bully's campaign of terror, the Target's health (physical and emotional), his social support structure, and his career us placed in jeopardy.

The modus operandi of the Bully is to start working against his Target on a one-on-one basis; but this soon progresses to bringing as many others on board as possible, thus providing a measure of 'cover for the perpetrator. He believes in safety in numbers.

Just a brief word on why I prefer to speak of the victim of workplace bully as a Target, rather than as a victim. The term, 'victim,' can be disempowering because it carries with the sense of helplessness and powerlessness. It is a passive term and describes someone to whom something terrible is done. This is not to question or deny that something terrible had been done to the recipient of this anti-social behaviour.

However, the term "Target" carries with it the idea of someone bring placed in the sights of another who had the intention of causing serious harm to this individual. He I'd being targeted by another for harm, and the targeted person does not know that this is happening. Only when 'strange' things start to happen does the Target begin to realise that something nasty is afoot. By the time he is fully cognisant of what is taking place, he has been so depleted in his inner reserves that his health takes a serious blow, and down he goes.

Targets are not to blame for what another is doing to them. They are the unfortunates who have run into psychopathic individuals who are too lazy to identify their own personal deficiencies or their lack of self-esteem. A Target virtually 'drifts' into the pathway of the bully's 'cross hairs' and hopefully get back out again before the shots are fired. Hence, Target status can be temporary, orbit can continue for years.

Finding out about this anti-social workplace behaviour is a necessary prerequisite for a bullying Target if he is to make sense of what is bring done to him. The report below can be accessed by clicking the link which will then take you to my website.

You Neither Deserve It Nor Want it!

Do you know of anyone who volunteered to be a victim of rape, or of child or domestic abuse, or of any other variety of abuse? I certainly don't! Workplace bully is a traumatic experience that emanates from a form of abuse of power and position. This abuse of power and position is as real to the Target as any other form of abuse is. It is no defence to allege they because physical harm is not done, the abuse is not as bad.

The fact is that occasions have been recorded in which physical violence has resulted when the Target stood up for himself successfully. This is common in the school bus or playground, but is not nearly as common in the workplace.

But do bullied employees deserve what they get? Do children abused by parents, neighbours or priests deserve what they get? Or did the poor hapless victims of 9/11 in New York, of the tsunami in Indonesia, of the coal mine collapses in Chile and New Zealand deserve what they got? Do the poverty-stricken people in famine-stricken lands deserve what they get? The constant answer to these questions is a thunderous NO. No one deserves to suffer from these calamities.

By the same token, no one deserves to be treated in such an inhumane way by employers. If straight talking has to be done by a manager to a staff member, it has to be confined to the task in question, and not divert into personal attacks.

The 'silent epidemic' known as workplace bully is also the unrecognised pandemic of the twenty-first century. Even the suffering Targets often remain silent because they do not always know who they can trust; so suffering in silence is the best they think they can do. Targets do not enjoy what is being done to them, nor did they invite such negative attention. They experience these attacks and abuses as unwelcome, unpleasant, and uninvited. Someone else decided to expose them to this evil behaviour.

Yet when the perpetrators of such damaging behaviour are asked about it, they revert to outright denial. They pretend not to know anything about it. And why do they deny all knowledge of their behaviour? Because at heart they are cowards. They are very strong and fearless and abusive when there are no dangerous witnesses around to describe what they have done; but when they are accused of true cowardly actions towards another, their courage leaves them like snow off a ditch. It evaporates. Their behaviour is so disgusting that they cannot own up to it. It is indefensible and unjustifiable. And bullies generally do not have the requisite courage to stand over their actions.

So one very effective way to stop bullying is to take on the bully at his own game, to confront him head on, and to insist that such behaviour stops forthwith. Bullies do not like such resistance, so they learn quickly that such tactics will not work with this individual.

For further information, click the links and you'll be directed to my website. You owe it to yourself and to others to be as well informed as possible about this serious, life-threatening issue.

Understanding Bullying-related Stress

Workplace bully is one of the major stressors that affects people negatively. The bully is the source of the Target's stress. The pain and suffering inflicted on the Target is the stressor. The response that your body and mind make to this 'stimulus' determines the extent of the damage inflicted. Understanding the sequence of biological stress is well known, having been thoroughly studies and researched. In fact, Dr Hans Seyle, who specialised in this area, is regarded as the father of modern stress management. He identified three distinct stages of this debilitating encroachment.

a. ALARM. This is where the body switches on its entire defence systems, to protect it from harm or damage. This defense system is designed to be brief, enabling, as it does, the "flight or fight" response to perceived danger, be it physical or psychological. This response to the bully's attacks is similar to the "flight" response to the sudden roar of a lion.

b. RESISTANCE. This is where the 'alert stage' is maintained and which usually stops after the alarm has passed. This is a "turned off" mechanism that the body needs, and expects, for it to resume its normal functioning. It is also true that resistance to the bully continues while the perceived threat is present and real, thus depleting the body's defenses. This is necessary, because if the individual stays in resistance too long, the body reacts, or rebounds, and the actual damage occurs even when the stressor is gone.

c. EXHAUSTION. At this stage, the body experiences a complete system breakdown, mentally, emotionally and physically. The unspoken requirement here is that the stressor is removed or it will claim your life. The body can only get to exhaustion by ignoring all the warning signs the body sends out. If persisted in, with the body and mind having to fight for an indefinite period, it can lead to death.